A girl who stumbled upon dream and reality. Because she's too lost to realize that she did not draw the line.
I was called by Janet for most all of the time, because it's my real name and because it was written on my birth certificate, but I would really appreciate it
if you call me
Sei. Because I'm too bored to hear 'Janet' and because I need some new sensation.
I was dropped to the Earth 14 years ago. I commit sins everyday because I'm not perfect and I'm just a normal human that's all.
I live in Indonesia but no, I'm not a pure Indonesian. My parents were from China but no, we can't speak those Chinese languages; whatever it is.
My life was full by emotional feelings; I'm a crybaby and I really can't help it.
I think I was loved by people around me. I do not appreciate what do you call by friendship because I believe friends will come and go as time goes by.
I do not trust my friend like I do trust them before, and this is the main reason why do I like to express my feelings through writings and not with words.
I love Korea, and I listen to K-Pop music. Cho Kyuhyun is my ultimate bias, KyuMin is my OTP and KyuHaeMin is my favorite OT3.
I write, I breathe, I walk, I talk, I hear, I jump, I dance, I do what normal people do.
What is the difference with me it's just that they know that reality and dream is different but I do not want to know.
And that is because I believe I could find my ideal boy through my dreams and reality is just too painful to deals with.
In which she believes there's no forever but there's eternal and eternity.
i just know that the words 'i like him' really hurt me alot.
why ?
because then again, the words
'i like him' will also go along with the line
'but he won't like me cos my hair isn't straight'and the line
'besides, he has a girlfriend'.
sometimes i feel mad, angry and pissed.
and these kind of questions were always echoing in my ears like they're music which was played repeatedly hundred times nonstop.
'why was i born with a long, thick, and ugly hair?'
'why was i born with very many hairs on my legs?'
'why was i born with a dark skin color?'
'i'm a chinese, why can't i speak mandarin and those kinds so that i'll understand what the fuck they're talking?'
and other thousands of whys.
and i believe, every question has answer. although it's just a simple 3 letters 'yes' or 2 letters 'no'. it's still an answer, afterall.
and eventually, when i finished praying before i sleep, i somehow felt that God gave every answers for all of my whys. because really, we all know God did something for a reason.
but of course, the whys, like i told you before, was like a music being played repeatedly for hundred times nonstop and those whys will plopped in my mind everytime i look my self reflection on the mirror. or while walking with my friends who has straight hair (i know they're not natural, but still the same anyhow). that feeling of low self-esteem will always be there like a shadow following me everywhere.
but still, we need to be thankful for everything that God had given to us.
i'm not becoming a God freak, or suddenly turning into a religious girl or what, but i'm just saying the reality of life.
and just now i think i had the most greatest moment in my life.
meeting my old friend, having a BBQ party at my friend's house in order to celebrate another friend's birthday party in advance. i didnt feel this kind of feeling for the past months, or even years. idek.
just.... tonight was like the greatest moment that i've ever felt (which is not true, cos i experienced other 'greatest' moments and i've forgotten the feeling of it). although it wasn't spent with the one i loved, still, greatest
is greatest, whether you felt it with your love ones or just random people you met at the street.
i got the chance to play the swing :) it's like, the last time i played with it was when i'm 4 or 6. or something. and just now i played the swing! cos i got friends to play with :) thanks fel, ren, and lita :) i know i'm being an ass, didn't let you to play the swing i played xD but.. hehe.
and the truth-or-dare-s. i pity myself for not joining the game till the end. :( i went home at 8 30PM when i was supposed to went home at 9PM. that's stressing :|
and guess what, felix did his dare perfectly! acting like a cat and meowing. OMG. gottalovethatboy :DD
YOU GUYS MADE MY DAY; dian, sharen, vina, sharon, budi, erlita, ed, elvin, erwin, felix, johan and pak willy :)
SHIT. ILOVEYOUGUYSSOFUCKINGMUCH. REALLY. although at the end it was just the eleven of us, i had fun. really.
sometimes i feel like i wanted to repeat today. the day when i was feeling one of my 'greatest' moments. but i know, like what the title of this post said, life should go on. i don't have any time machine. and wouldnt it be boring to repeat the same greatest moment again and again? greatest might changed to great only :)
and hey, greatest moment only appeared sometimes in your life, right?
so why waste it? :)
Labels: what i want to share
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